Blog

Helping someone to overcome a depression

Because I had a depression a lot of people come to me for help.
It’s not easy to help someone who is going trough a hard time.
I saw what it did to my mom so please think about it before you make a commitment like that. The person that you want to help will need you support 24/7.
It hard to not give up or become depressed too.

People who are in a depression need someone to talk to, someone who doesn’t judge about their problems. That’s something that you need to remember. You can give some tips to help the person but the main thing that you can do is just listen.
I hated it wnd people told me that they knew where I was going trough when I knew that they didn’t. Someone once told me that he understood me because his grandmother died. Ofcourse it is hard when you grandmonther dies but you can’t compare it with a dad that commited suicide. I know this person meant well but when people say something like that you only feel more alone. You feel like nobody will ever understand your problems.
So don’t say ‘I know where you are going trough’. You can only say that when you were ever in the same situation.

In Belgium we have a supportgroup for people that came in contact with someone who commited suicide. There I found the most support. I knew that this people where going trough the same feelings like I did. Ofcourse every situation is different but the mourning process is similar.
I recommend it to everybody to look for a group who knows how you feel because they experienced the same things. There you hear story’s that you can relate to and tips for handling them.

Most of the time people surounding someone with a depression have pity with this person. And you know thats a good thing but don’t exaggerate it. The person is nothing with pity. In my case I needed a good wake up call to come out of my depression. I needed someone to tell me the hard truth and drag me back into the real world.
Because often when you give the person pity they only get pity with themself. Ofcourse it is a good thing to protect this people because they can’t handle hard things at that time but by keep protecting them you can’t help them.
At some day they need to realise that the worlds keep spinning and that life isn’t fair.

I know I sound hard but it’s just the truth. Nothing in life comes without a fight.
And I know some thing are not fair, some people get everything without a fight but do you realy think that these people are happy? I don’t know…
When you are living a life when you are never happy with anything you have.I think that’s sad because they will never know the feeling when you accomplish something where you worked your ass off to accomplish it.

When you support someone with a depression you have to think about your own health to.
It is realy exhausting to help a person like that because they aks for a lot of attention.
You have to be aware of the danger to become depressed too.
Sometimes you need some time for your own and someone to have happy conversations with. So please keep that in mind and remember you are doing a great thing by helping someone with a depression. When you can’t handle it on your own don’t think that you are doing  something wrong or that you are letting that person down. Some people have big problems that need professional help. Maybe you can help the person more by convincing them to be helped by a professional.

 

 

Advertisements

overcoming a depression

Overcoming a depression is something really hard.
It takes a lot of time to deal with the problems you have, sometimes you can’t overcome certain things but  you have to learn to handle them in your life.

It’s hard to explain how i overcame my depression.
The hardest part was building up my self-image.
I felt like I was not worth anything. Because of the mental abuse that my stepmother did to me.
Because of my dad’s suicide I felt like i wasn’t worth enough to keep living and fighting.
I started thinking ‘If I was good enough than my dad would never have committed suicide’

Ofcouse it was wrong for me to think that, but I was only 12 years old.
by years of therapy I started to see that people who commit suicide only see their problems. It’s like a dark tunnel without an exit. They start to believe that they are doing their loved ones a plessure by leaving the world. They feel like a burden.
the main problem with my dad was that he couldn’t talk about his feelings.
He always suppressed everything…
The conclusion I took from that is that you aren’t strong when you suppress your feelings, you are strong when you can talke to people and ask for help because it is one of het hardest things to do.

Building up your self-image can only be accomplished by success stories.
You have to go out in the world and try. Sometimes you will hit a wall but with the right people you will feel good about yourself and they will help you to feel better.
With me it will always stay a problem because of the abuse, I was at a certain age when it happened when you need encouregment and a safe enviorement to develop yourself.
But I learned myself a few tricks to handle it.
I surround myself with people who love me and give me possitive feelings. This people will always support and help me if I’m going trough a hard time.
When I get in a situation where my self-image is tested I always text them or talk to them so they can build it back up.
Ofcourse you can’t depend only on others to do this. You have to believe in yourself and you have to keep searching things where you are good in. Everybody had this things, and maybe they aren’t the realy big things but it can be litle things too. Like i’m good in reading.

The first step to overcome a depression is realy to make a click.
You have to accept that you have a problem and that you have to work on it.
You have to believe that you deserve better that the depressed life that you are leading now. Sometimes it’s a good thing to start working on it not for yourself but for your loved ones because they suffer to when you are sad. But this can not keep going. At a certain point you have to do it for you. Because nobody in the world is more important than yourself.
I know it sounds kind of selfish but you have to be happy yourself before you can make someone else happy.
I was lucky to have my mom, she always kept supporting me. She was always there to talk to when I was sad. She always helped me with everything.

Never forget that you are woth it! Maybe I don’t know you but I am certain that you are a good person. Everybody has a good and a bad side, you choose which you show to the world.
Nobody deserves to be depressed and nobody deserves to think about suicide.
If you are thinking about it, please stop.
You can be helped. Because believe me if you commit suicide the people surounding you will be hurt although you maybe think different.

 

 

My life as a zombie

21/11/2009 was the day that changed my life.

From the moment that Henk (The man who gave me the news) told me that my dad committed suicide I went in shock.
I couldn’t accept the fact that my dad would do that to me. Me and my dad were bestfriends from the moment he seperated with my mom. (I was 5)

I was in shock for 2 YEARS.
I was like a zombie, I didn’t felt anything, I didn’t thougt anything, I just lived my life.
When people asked me about my dad and what he did I just told them the story without any feeling.
It was like I was living in a bubble and nothing or no one could get me out.

After 2 years everybody assumed that I already had processed his dead.
Nobody expected what happened next.

Me and my mom had a dog, Bo.
She was the best dog in the world, she was so nice and she always would comfort us when we were down.
She was the last thing I had from my life before everything changed.
6 months before my dad died, my mom and my stepfather seperated after 7 years.
Me and my mom moved to a new town so I had to change school and I didn’t know anybody. Bo came with us.

When Bo died I became really depressed…
It was like I lost everything at that moment.
I slept all day, I couldn’t go to school, I felt sick…
I felt really alone at that time. I had the feeling that nobody understood me and the pain I was going through.

My mom met a new guy and he moved in with us.
I was happy for my mom that she found somebody else but it was a really bad timing.
I already felt alone and when the new guy came I had the feeling that my mom didn’t need me anymore so I began thinking about suicide…

It was not the fact that I wanted to die but I just wanted the pain to end.
I began to understand why my dad commited suicide, I understood why he saw it as a solution.
One day I told my mom that I understood why my dad commited suicide and she started to panic. She knew already that I had a depression but she hoped that it would pass on its own. When I told her it was a wake up call and she arranged an appointment with a psychologist at the clinic.

At the appointment I told everything what happened to the psychologist.
I told her how I felt and I was totally honest to her.
She told me that I had a severe depression and I had a very negative self-image.
She suggested a hospitalization in a youth and child psychiatry.
At first I was against the idea but she convinced me.

When I look back at it, it was the best decision at the time.
It really brought me peace and time to think.
I wrote everyday how I felt and even on this day I still have all the letters I wrote to myself.

the saddest thing about it all  is the opinion off the society about hospitalization in a psychiatry. People always think that you are crazy if you have to go there but that’s not true.
There are a lot of people who just can’t handle the stress and pressure off their daily life.
There is a lot of pressure on being happy every single day, being pretty, being succesful in your life and carreer.
We have to learn to accept ourselve just the way we are.
Everybody sometimes has a bad day but that doesn’t mean that you are doing something wrong, you are just being a person.

Please remember to be gratefull with everything you have in your life.
Tell the people who you love that you love them because sometimes they need to hear that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I couldn’t believe what he did…

I was 12 years old.
Me and my stepsister had a sleepover by a girlfiend, she was the daughter of friends of my dad and stepmom.
I was sleeping when I woke up from noise. I heard my dad shouting ‘Shut up! stop laughing at me! I am sick off al this!’.
I heard my dad on the stairs going down and when he went out he slammed the door.

I dind’t knew what was happening, I was panicking in my bed because I didn’t know what hapenned. I was used to the fights between my stepmom and my dad but I never heard him shouting and I knew that there was something wrong.
I had a stomach ache, I was sick and a I had a really bad headache.
After a few hours I fell back asleep.

The morning after I woke up at 10 a.m. and I went downstairs with my stepsister and the fiend. I went to the bathroom all though I din’t had to go to the toilet. I was watching myself in the mirror and I asked myself why I was being so scared to go in the living room.
I regained myself and went in.

I saw my stepmom sitting at the table and she was crying. The parents of my friend were standing next to the table and there was a man sitting in front off my stepmom that I didn’t knew.
She asked me to come sitt on her lap. I was shocked because she was never nice to me.
But I was too afraid to say no to her so I sat down.
She started crying and said ‘I can’t tell her, It’s too difficult’.
The man that I din’t knew looked at me and said ‘Your dad commited suicide’.